All Alone

WHY did I come home?

From the Vietnam War

Only to have loneliness

Knocking at my door

I flew over with a few mates

But I was really on my own

And when it came to coming back

On the flight home I was again alone

I spent many years in the Army

After returning from Vietnam

But of all the people that I met

I've seen enough to count on one hand

I often fell like ending it

And pulling out the fuse

But that's when I feel all alone

Both bitter and confused

QUITE often I ask the good Lord

Why did you let me live

But there never is an answer

As to why he ever did

I often feel like a loner

And very often don't belong

Especially among other Vets

Who often seem quite strong?

Most of the Vets are Infanteers

Who were a very close knit team

Because mostly they were walking

And trying hard not to be seen

BUT I was a member of the Cavalry

That made a lot of noise

And when it came to close knit mates

I was really just one of the boys

YOU would go and do your tour

At very different times

And it was most unlikely

To be with the same crew mate all of the time

SOMETIMES you got wounded

But most were lucky to escape

From the rockets and the missiles

And the damage that a land mine would make

SO if you were unlucky

Not to have escaped the war

It's very easy to understand

Why you feel so sorry and sore

BUT all I have is the memory

Of being blown up

And I guess that's what makes me different

From the Vets that kept their luck

BUT it doesn't help the feelings

That I go through day after day

Of the knowledge that I came home

But the memories won't go away

AND that's when I wonder

Why I had to come home

And live with all the memories

It's no wonder I feel all alone

Copyright © 2002  Phil Kadow.

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All They Ask

THERE are disabled veterans

As far as the eye can see

Who are still paying the price

So all Australians can be free

BUT now the time has come

To tally up the cost

So that their DIGNITY

Doesn't ever become lost

THEY gave their all for their country

Without counting up the cost

Only to find out their country

Doesn't give a toss

THE government and the public seem to think

That they did what they were trained for

But they don't understand that when you've been there

It stays with you for life

ONCE the war is over

Your troubles don't go away

They stay with you forever

Quite often getting in the way

ALL these veterans ask for

Is a proper quality of life

One that lets them keep going

Without getting them into strife

YOU can't place a monetary value

On what these veterans did

But it would be nice if the government

Stopped eroding the quid

THEY are not a lot of bludges

Wandering aimlessly through life

All they are after

Is for the government to do what's right

GIVE them a FAIR GO

Is all that each one asks

So they can keep on going

Right up until the last

THAT'S the day they answer the call

Of the Almighty up above

And meet up with their Mates

The ones they fought with and loved

Copyright © 2003.  Phil Kadow.

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A Little Piece of Me.

I joined the regular Army in Adelaide

Just before I turned nineteen

And if my memory serves me well

Being young, I was also very keen

My next stop was Kapooka

Where they trained me very hard

And measured my performance

With every objective and every yard

The Corporals were little Hitlers

The Sergeants were the Hun

And when it came to training

They had me on the run

When all my training was complete

And I marched out proud and tall

They then put me on a bus

That was headed for Puckapunyal

The Armoured Centre was now my home

Where Corps training began in earnest

And by the time my first six weeks were up

I'd been taught how to operate all types of wireless

The second phase of my training began

After Christmas once I got back

And that part consisted of gunnery as well as

The driving and servicing of tracks

I was on the driving circuit

Getting familiar with the vehicle

When the instructor Corporal Vearing said

It was my turn in the cycle

I pulled the steering lever to go left

And the other to go right

But when I put my foot down

It gave me quite a fright

I was driving down a slope

At a speed just a little too fast

That when I reached the base of it

I'd given the rest of the lads a good laugh

The road turned sharply to the right

But I pulled the stick back just a little too hard

And that caused the back end to slide out

Covering many a dusty yard

By the time I straightened up the track

And finally gained control

I locked up the brakes and ended up

Knocking a fence post out of its hole

From that day came a nickname

Out of an event that was filled with laughter

A name I wore with pride and honour

Fearless Phil, the Flying Fence Fucker

Copyright © 2001 Phil Kadow

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A Tale of Mine.

Our steeds were fed and watered

And the stores had all been packed

As we headed out in convoy

Just us and our trusty tracks

The engineers were waiting

With their dozers at the ready

We were off to do land clearing

In a place that we were fearing

The Long Hai Mountains were a stronghold

Where many lives had been lost

While trying to oust old Charlie

From where he didn't want to be got

Our job was of protection

While the dozers cleared the trail

But the enemy wasn't giving it up

Without us paying some sort of bail

It happened on a Monday

It was the 9th of March

When the dozer Brutus was out working

At a pace not very fast

Suddenly we heard a bang

And knew exactly what had happened

Brutus had set of a mine

Large enough for his spirits to be dampened

The Mini Team was all kitted out

To do their dangerous task

Which was to make it safe for us

From another deadly blast

To see what had happened

To the big beast made of steel

Brought home the realization

That this bloody war was real

Copyright © 2001 Phil Kadow. 

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COMBAT FATIGUE

If you've never been in combat

You don't know what it's like

To always being in 'switched on' mode

That's known as 'Fight or Flight'

 

Even though you're in a section,

Troop, Platoon or Battalion

The pressure on you is so great

Especially when you're in action

 

Your reactions are instinctive

When ever the shit hits the fan

And you do what is required

It's the same with every man

 

You wouldn't let your mates down

No matter what the cost

Always giving them protection

Until they're 'Dusted Off'

 

But once the fight is over

And the enemy have fled

You can then sit down and wonder

Is this real or in your head?

 

Tomorrow's just another day

And no matter what it brings

You know that you are still alive

But you have no time to sing

 

After all, you are a combat soldier

And that you will always be

It's something that can't be taken away

Because it seems it was meant to be

 

The reactions of being in combat

Linger with you all of your life

Especially the horror things

That you just can't tell your wife

 

Your friends can't see the problems

That you live with every day

They seem to think your stupid

Because you act a different way

 

The things that seem to excite them

Are totally mundane to you

And that's when you tend to wonder

What has become of you?

 

Your life is one of caution

You are constantly looking around

For any signs of danger

That may make you 'Go to Ground'

 

The things that seem important

In this fast and furious world

Are enough to make you come over

Feeling very very cold

 

Quite often I think of dying

It seems the only answer to me

Because instead of these feelings

At least I would be free

 

But I know it sounds so selfish

Only thinking of myself

It stems from after battle

Not being given any help

 

So now we're just left alone

To fend and fight for one's self

For being alone is all there is

Because there seems to be nothing else

 

Copyright © 2001 Phil Kadow.